On Blogging

What is the purpose of a blog?

Is it a platform for me to write about what's happening in my life, with hopes of finding some clarity? Should I use this as motivation to get myself working more creatively? Can I post links to youtube clips that I find worthwhile? What about pictures of my cat? Can I ramble on about truth and love and beauty? Can this be used as a passive aggressive way of expressing my aggrivation with people I'm too scared to confront? Is this a diary or is this a group email or is this my premier? Seems rather disorganized to combine all of those things on one platform, doesn't it?

Like a kid who didn't pay attention to the directions, I'm not really sure what my assignment is here, but I have a feeling it may be a worthwhile experience.

I exist in a pretty much constant state of confusion. From the macro to the micro, I basically have no idea what's going on. When I'm not gripping, almost desperately, to distractions, I'm overwhelmed with a lack of understanding. I recall looking up at annoyed faces rather often as I child, when I would demand to know "why?" in response to just about any bit of information I was given. During the first round, I would receive an answer that seemed to satisfy the adult I was talking to, to which I would reply: "Ok... but, why?" And this could continue for many rounds, depending on the adult and what responsibilities they were trying to deal with at that given moment. Generally speaking, the dialogue would be abruptly ended when I got just too obnoxious. The problem is, I still don't understand. I still ask "but, why?" regularly, only now its usually silently and directed to myself. Now a so-called adult, I'm trying to figure things out as best I can. I'll never have any absolute truths. The only thing of which I am certain: I am certain of nothing. And yet, I keep searching. Contradictory, right? Well, along with the confusion, contradictions are a part of my DNA. "Contrary Mary" was one of the several nicknames I received from my mother growing up. When I heard this one, I usually interpretted it as "You're being annoying." So, in advance I shall disclaim that there will likely be plenty of contradictions popping up as the entries in this blog expand. And guess what contradictions lead to? Yep, confusion.

Alas, I've entitled my blog "An Attempt At Understanding," because everything I put on here (whether its a youtube clip of a celebrity falling or my thoughts on Vladmir Putin) will be data informing my attempt to figure out this whole "life" thing.

Welcome.